Feel It Without Letting It Take Over
A Way to Release Your Feelings
When we experience big, loud feelings, one of the first things our nervous system may want to do is act out or shut down. Either way, your nervous system has learned a pattern for how to respond. Refer to polyvagal chart on our nervous system:
And here’s the really cool part, especially as we get older, we can begin to notice those patterns and ask ourselves, “Is this way of responding still working for me?”
Take a look inside - maybe the answer is, “Not really.”
That doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It means your nervous system learned a way to protect you—and now you have the incredible ability and opportunity to practice responding differently.
Remember the Power of STOPP? You can change these patterns by catching them and practicing the response you want to create instead. Not perfectly. Not overnight. Through practice. Practicing these skills anytime, any situation will help you in times of intense emotions.
One process you can use when emotions feel big is called GRAIN: (This is adapted from Kimberley Quinlan, OCD Therapist and the G is created by me!)
G — Ground Self
Here are a couple of ways to ground:
Take a moment to sit or stand. Take your arms like your giving yourself a hug. And start tapping your forearms up and down, while swaying your body back and forth.
or
Take a moment to go outside, take off your shoes, and walk on the grass, feeling the sunshine on your face and body.
There is no time limit. Stay in this spot until you feel grounded - calm.
R — Recognize
Start by noticing what you’re feeling.
Instead of pushing the feeling away or immediately reacting, pause and name it.
“I’m feeling angry.”
“I’m feeling overwhelmed.”
“I’m feeling hurt.”
“I’m feeling anxious.”
You don't have to fix it. Just notice it. Sit, notice, breathe
A — Allow
Allow the feeling to be there without judging yourself for having it.
This doesn't mean you have to like the feeling or act on it. It simply means giving yourself permission to say: “This feeling is here right now, and I can make space for it.”
You can be working, and just notice and allow the feeling to be there. You do not have to respond to it.
I — Investigate
Now get curious.
Instead of “Why am I like this?” and being judgy, try a more compassionate approach and ask:
“What is this feeling trying to tell me?”
“Where do I feel this in my body?”
“What happened right before I started feeling this way?”
“What do I need right now?”
Curiosity can create space between the feeling and the reaction. In fact, curiosity will help regulate your nervous system, as it is like you are looking at this feeling from 3rd person perspective.
N — Nurture
Finally, offer yourself what you need. Many people have trouble with this one, as you are prioritizing yourself. So think about what makes you relax? What makes you smile? When does your body feel good?
Maybe that's taking a few slow breaths, stepping outside, getting some water, talking to someone you trust, setting a boundary, resting, or simply reminding yourself:
“I’m having a hard moment. I don’t have to figure everything out right now.”
The goal isn't to never have big feelings. The goal is to learn that you can have a feeling without the feeling having to take over.
PRO TIP: Every time you notice your old pattern and practice a new response, you're teaching your nervous system something new.
That is how change happens—one moment, one pause, one practice at a time.
If you're feeling anxious, overwhelmed, constantly “on,” or disconnected from yourself, therapy can be a place to slow down, understand what's happening, and learn practical ways to regulate and move forward.
Michelle Pettengill, LCSW
Anxiety Therapist in Folsom, CA | Telehealth Throughout California
Heal Anxiety. Nourish Your Mental Health. Rise from Chaos.
🌐 Website: https://www.michellepettengilllcsw.com/
📅 Free consultation: https://calendly.com/mpettengilllcsw/15min
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